


Two Months Ago

by SippingMyTea



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (implied) Hallucinations, Amnesia, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Canon Era, Character Death, Five Stages of Grief, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Secret Relationship, Yelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 16:32:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19299520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SippingMyTea/pseuds/SippingMyTea
Summary: Everything changed two months ago, but Arthur can't remember.But everyone else can. Vividly.Alternate Title: "To Live Without You Is Madness"





	Two Months Ago

Arthur trained and trained and trained for hours on end, beating the poor dummy down with untamed fury. Every now and then he would glance over at Merlin, who would look at him with a look that said 'You're overdoing it, take a break or I'll make you'. A few hits later, and Arthur sighed, relenting to Merlin's gaze and sheathing his sword. At this, Merlin finally smiled which filled something within Arthur with delight. He had half a mind to ruin that smile on Merlin's lips by ordering him to clean up his armour and polish his sword, but he couldn't find it in himself, in the end, to go through with it. Another servant can do it just as easily. Come to think of it, Arthur thought, ever since Merlin had confessed his feelings for Arthur (and they had spent a lovely night together because Arthur had reluctantly confessed his own feelings in return), George had been helping Merlin out a lot recently. Could Merlin have found a friend in the brass jokes making servant? Arthur doubted it and instead came to the conclusion that George must have become so fed up with Merlin that he saw fit to 'help' (intervene in) Merlin's work. It was all the same to Arthur, and he could make even more jokes about Merlin being lazy.

"Well then, Merlin! Don't just stand there," Arthur chided harmlessly, smiling at his manservant despite himself. "Come along," he said after taking off his armour, for which he could have used Merlin's help, but Merlin stared at him helplessly.

As soon as Arthur was relieved of his armour and sword, secure in the knowledge that someone would polish the items ere morning, as always, he beckoned for Merlin to follow him. Lately, Merlin seemed to have made it a habit to bring Arthur his meal just before Arthur would be in his room. Whether Merlin had begun doing so not to be late with it or perhaps there was a schedule change in the kitchen that Arthur was unaware of, he didn't know. But, in the end, he didn't mind.

He ate his meal in his room and chatted at Merlin, who laughed and rambled back some gossip or other that the kitchen maids told him. Recently, Arthur had begun to take great delight in these conversations with Merlin during times when they were alone. When they would talk so friendly, or a bit less so for propriety's sake, in public, people would throw odd glances at Arthur, as if scolding him with their glances for being friendly with a servant. Merlin had told Arthur his displeasure at being stared at, though the people only ever stared at Arthur, obviously, and Arthur had stopped talking like that with Merlin in public, opting instead for something more professional sounding. This didn't do much in terms of getting the people to stop staring, but at that point, there was nothing more he could do and he had told Merlin as much when he had continued to complain about it.

Then, there was a sharp knock on the door and Arthur told them to enter. The door opened, revealing an unsure looking Morgana. After sharing a surprised glance with Merlin, Arthur beckoned her inside. She entered and closed the door behind her, striding over to Arthur's table where he and Merlin were seated. She was aiming for the chair Merlin sat in, and Merlin realised this quickly and jumped up from the chair to make room for her. Arthur found he disliked this quite a bit and glared at Morgana for it when she sat down where Merlin had sat just a moment before.

"You didn't have to force him out of his chair," he grumbled, "You're always on my ass for how I treat servants and yet here you are, no better."

Merlin told Arthur not to be so mean to Morgana, at which Arthur gave him an unimpressed raised brow. Morgana, on the other hand, ignored his remark completely.

"How are you this day, Arthur?" She asked, though not very pleasantly. She sounded like she was straining, like the very act of talking to him was painful. Arthur scowled.

"I've nothing to complain about. Though you might want to apologise to Merlin for forcing him out of his seat." Arthur pointed this out and indicated to Merlin with his head.

Morgana did not look at Merlin and seemed to find her lap very interesting all of a sudden, her hands balling up into fists on the table. "Yes," she nodded, "I'm sorry, M-merlin."

Strangely, the apology did not feel like it pertained to the situation at hand and Arthur threw Merlin a confused look. Merlin shook his head and told Arthur that he had no idea.

"Is there a reason why you came to visit during my dinner?" He asked and Morgana shook her head.

"I'm worried about you, that's all..." she trailed off at the end and her knuckles turned white from how hard she was balling her fists.

But now Arthur was utterly confused. "Why would you be worried about me? Nothing is wrong, is there?" Then he turned to Merlin and asked him, "Is there, Merlin? Is there a problem of which I am not aware?"

"Never mind," Morgana hastened to say and she stood up abruptly, pushing the chair back too far from the table. "Have a fine evening, Arthur." And she moved to leave.

Before she could, though, Arthur saw the hurt expression in Merlin's eyes at her ignoring him, and he cleared his throat, causing Morgana to halt. He gestured at Merlin and raised his brows expectantly at her. "Merlin is here too, you know."

Her eyes widened, but she never looked at where he pointed. Her eyes grew watery and her nose scrunched up, but she said nothing and ran out of the room with a sob on her lips and shaking her head.

Arthur didn't know what to make of this, and he turned to Merlin, looking for answers there.

"What's with her?" He asked.

Merlin shrugged, saying that maybe he had upset her on accident, maybe.

The notion was ridiculous.

"Don't be stupid, Merlin," Arthur scoffed, "There's no way you could have upset her, even on accident."

Merlin said that he wasn't too sure about that.

"Well, either way, I seem to have lost my appetite. What say you? Bed?" He smiled suggestively at Merlin, who huffed but the flushing of his cheeks betrayed his actual thought on the matter.

And so they went to bed early, Arthur holding Merlin close, closer, impossibly close. He felt cold, all the while, though he could not for the life of him tell why. It was Summer, they were both under a blanket and sharing body heat, and yet Arthur felt cold and could barely close his eyes to sleep.

Finally, Merlin kissed his forehead and whispered for him to sleep and have sweet dreams and — strangely, or so thought Arthur, at least — not to forget all about him.

Before sleep took him, Arthur briefly wondered about it but fell asleep sooner than he could force an answer to reveal itself to him.

The next morning, he began his routine anew. He smiled at the smell of food, and his smile brightened when a kiss to his cheek woke him up properly. He gazed up into Merlin's eyes and slowly got up from the bed and headed towards his breakfast. He wanted to share with Merlin, but Merlin assured him he wasn't hungry. Reluctant to believe him — and who could blame him? Look at Merlin! — Arthur left two sausages on his plate for Merlin, which were gone when Arthur returned from behind the dressing screen, leaving Arthur smirking in triumph and Merlin looking anywhere but him, but with a grin on his face that told of his guilt.

"All right, then, Merlin. What's my schedule today?" He asked and Merlin listed a few things, the most striking of which was the dinner with his father.

"My father wants to dine with me?" Arthur asked, surprised. "Did he tell you? How do you know?"

Merlin said that, while he wasn't told explicitly, he heard the King express the desire to dine with his son that evening.

"Isn't that odd, though?" Arthur asked because recently, his father seemed to be avoiding him at all costs, even banning him from council meetings, which, strangely enough, Arthur did not mind as much as he would have thought.

Merlin said that maybe his father has overcome whatever reservations he suddenly developed and wanted to bridge the gap with his son again.

Arthur couldn't find it in himself to agree with that. Over the last two months, since the beginning of summer, his father had been all around odd and unpleasant to Arthur whenever their meeting each other was inevitable, which wasn't as often as one might have initially believed. He didn't understand why his father acted like this, or why everyone else was acting so oddly around him and Merlin recently.

Could it be? Could they have found out about him and Merlin? He didn't dare to think it true, if only for the dread that filled his stomach at the notion. He knew that if ever his father found out, Merlin would be dead. Merlin would be accused of some crime, treason most likely, perhaps even sorcery, to cover up the real reason, and he would be executed at dawn. But that couldn't be it, could it? No, certainly not. If Uther knew about them, Merlin would already be dead, and Uther had done nothing but act oddly. Arthur did wonder, though, what else could have caused Uther, and everyone else, to act so oddly. Perhaps _that_ was sorcery, Arthur thought amusedly.

"Well, then," he said out loud, "Come along, Merlin. It's time for training"

He could hear Merlin groan and he laughed in response, leading the way out and onto the training field. It was still rather early, and he was the only one on the field for a while. Sir Leon took over official training since the beginning of summer, ordered to do so by the King and thus Arthur could do nothing about it. Either way, though it was weird, Merlin had convinced him that the King just wanted to reward Sir Leon for his hard work. An odd reward, Arthur had thought, until Merlin had pointed it out to him that Merlin had had been appointed his servant as a reward as well. Perhaps the King just had a weird way of rewarding people.

Arthur began training, with Merlin watching from the side. After some time, a few people began gathering and began watching him, but there was something weird about their gazes. They looked at him like he was some sideshow attraction, gawking and muttering and gossiping to each other. He didn't like how it felt. Usually, when people would watch him, they would look impressed and in awe, but recently, their gazes had changed. Two months ago, things had changed.

The Knights came for their training shortly thereafter, and they, too, looked at Arthur like he was odd, and yet some others looked at him like they... pitied him. Was he really pitiable? He seriously doubted it, but he could not see why else they would look at him like this. The feeling of something being wrong burdened his back heavily and he could not shake it off. When he felt it becoming too much, he threw a heated glare in their direction and they immediately looked away, looking anywhere but him.

Merlin laughed and threw his head back and said that Arthur was being silly.

"Shut up, Merlin," Arthur tore his angry glare away from the Knights and smiled at Merlin, who stuck out his tongue at him. Arthur didn't see it, for he was looking at Merlin, but Sir Leon regarded him with a gaze that spoke of deep-rooted pity and sadness. And so did Morgana and Gwen, who were both watching from a window in the castle. The people gathered about and staring seemed to have waited for Arthur to say just that, for they broke out into horrible chattering, some sounding worried, some mocking and some offended. Arthur didn't understand what that was about, so he gave Merlin a questioning look which Merlin returned with a shrug of his shoulders and an I don't know.

Arthur ended his training for the day there. He handed his armour and sword to some servant and headed up to his room to clean off the sweat. A bath stood there, waiting for him, and he smiled, knowing Merlin must have arranged it to be there for him.

"You know me best, Merlin," he said with a smile as he closed the doors behind him, not seeing how the guards outside his door looked disturbed at each other.

He bathed and cleaned off the sweat from that morning and he shot Merlin lewd and inviting looks while he did, leaving Merlin flustered and blushing and doing his best to look anywhere but down Arthur's body, no matter the inviting and beckoning hands. Merlin told Arthur to stop it and that it wasn't funny.

"Yes, it is," Arthur grinned. "You ought to join me."

Merlin commented simply that the tub isn't nearly big enough for them both.

"I know how to make you fit," Arthur said in a low, seductive tone that had Merlin sputtering.

Merlin glared at him and said that he would throw something at Arthur if it weren't for the fact that it would be a shame to mar his face, for it is the only redeemable feature he has.

Arthur laughed and grabbed a goblet from nearby and threw it at Merlin, who dodged it swiftly, like he practised this on the daily, which, with Arthur as his master, may not be so unlikely.

After his bath, Arthur got dressed and sat down at his desk, eating some fruit from the bowl that he was sure Merlin put there, and he looked over some paperwork his father still allowed him to look at. It wasn't work of much consequence, but Arthur did cherish everything he could do for his kingdom, for his people, even the things that didn't involve physically fighting for it. There were some very early grain reports, some reports from the guards at the borders and some from lords near the southern border complaining about one thing or the other that they really didn't have to complain about, especially in an official report. Merlin would always snort at those reports when he read them over Arthur's shoulder. Arthur remembered the first few times he had caught Merlin doing this, and at first he had always scolded Merlin, something about it being illegal or treason or some other thing, he couldn't quite remember, but then he had just given up and had let Merlin make his comments, which, more often than not, held some odd but deep insight on the matters presented, which Arthur had not first suspected his manservant could observe in the first place.

But no ten minutes into his work, someone knocked on the door and he glared at the parchment in front of him in annoyance and put down the quill, massaging the bridge of his nose before removing his annoyed expression from his face and turning to the door, calling out, "Enter."

A female servant meekly opened the door — or was that fear Arthur spotted in her eyes? — and flinched when she saw him. Arthur seriously wondered what was up with her and threw Merlin a quick glance, but Merlin just shrugged and so Arthur would have to content himself with that. So he turned to the servant again and raised his brow at her, motioning for her to speak.

"Your Highness," she began and stuttered through the rest, "Th-the K-king asked me t-to inf-form you th-that, uh, h-he wishes to d-dine wi-with you..." And then she tacked on, "Th-this evening..."

"Yes, I'm aware," he said calmly in response, at which the servant perked up and grew visibly confused.

"I-I'm sorry, Si-sire, has anyone, uh, t-told you al-already?" She asked, hiding most of her body behind the open door, only one arm and her head sticking out, which Arthur found most annoying.

"Merlin has," he answered simply and, to his confusion, the servant flinched upon hearing the name and looked at him like he had gone mad.

"I-I see, Si-sire... B-by your, uhm, le-leave..." she stuttered and Arthur nodded with an unconcealed sigh and the servant rushed off and nearly slammed the door behind her.

Merlin noted that the woman seemed frightened, and Arthur nodded and agreed and turned back to the reports strewn about on his desk, but he could not make himself concentrate on the words and numbers in front of him and they made it very difficult for him to understand them.

Finally, he abandoned the reports on his desk with a groan that Merlin commented on with a snort. He glared at Merlin, but it was clear his heart wasn't in it. As he looked at Merlin, the manservant looked terribly pale and Arthur's head shot up and his eyes widened with worry.

"Merlin? What's wrong?" He asked.

Merlin said that there was nothing wrong with him and that Arthur shouldn't worry, but oh, Arthur worried.

"Merlin, do yourself a favour and lie down. Have some fruit and water, too. You look horrible- no, I didn't mean it like that, don't look at me like that. I mean that you look ill. Come," he said, got up, and gently guided Merlin onto the bed and, upon noticing the coldness of his skin, tucked him in under the blankets. "Merlin, it's summer, how come you're so cold recently?"

Merlin said that such things happen under his circumstances.

Arthur shook his head. "I've not the faintest what you mean by that, Merlin." And then, after a moment of contemplation, he added, "Should I call Gaius?"

Merlin shook his head and said that Gaius knows what's wrong with him and that there is nothing to be done about it but rest.

Arthur sighed, "And of course that's the one thing you don't do..." he trailed off and found his thoughts a moment later and added, "All right, I've made up my mind. You won't be attending me at dinner with my father."

Merlin shook his head and replied that Arthur wouldn't survive a second in a dinner with his father.

"I'll survive one little dinner, Merlin. It's not like he's going to have me poisoned, about which you can't do much, by the way," Arthur remarked at Merlin's horrified look and chuckled.

Merlin grumbled that that's not funny and a poisoning, no matter who ordered it, was always a threat to be taken seriously.

"But there is no threat. Now. I have to get ready. I want you to stay here and sleep, get in some good rest, and eat some, while you're at it. Don't forget to drink as well," Arthur listed.

Merlin groaned and said that he would die of boredom without Arthur, at which Arthur chuckled.

"I'll make sure you won't be bored upon my return," he grinned and Merlin flustered and blushed at the innuendo and told Arthur to piss off. "I'll see you later then," he grinned and kissed Merlin's cold, pale, almost grey forehead, and left to dine with his father.

He was already dressed appropriately, no thanks to Merlin, who had recently begun forcing Arthur to dress all by himself.

"For when I'm no longer around, you know?" Merlin had said, which had been a bit more than two months ago, and exactly two months ago he had begun to enforce this new rule upon the prince, never dressing him, but occasionally helping him, in the beginning, when he had been really struggling, but still then not doing more than gently guide his arms in the right direction.

Of course, at Merlin's absurd statement, Arthur had laughed and had said, "Such a time will never come, unless you're planning on quitting?"

At which Merlin had said, "I'd never quit, Sire. I'm happy to serve you until I die, and even then, death won't be enough to keep me from you."

It had been said so casually, but even then, Arthur had understood the heavy underlying meaning of these plainly spoken words. And even back then, Arthur had been struck with such adoration for his servant that he could barely contain it and had had to turn it into aggression the next morning at training, or else he would have likely done something as stupid as kissing Merlin in public.

Arthur shook his head, pulling himself into the present, and into the upcoming torment of dining with his father. He wondered briefly if Morgana would be there, and he wasn't sure whether her presence would add to or subtract from the torment of the event, what with how even she acted especially oddly as of recently, and the gap it seemed to push between them.

The guards in front of the doors to the dining room regarded Arthur with a wary look before they opened the doors for him and allowed him entrance, which Arthur acknowledged with a nod. The doors closed behind him and his eyes met the heavy gaze of his father, who was already seated at the head of the table. Morgana sat to his left and didn't look up to meet Arthur's eyes. Arthur chose his seat so that it would leave a chair empty between him and his father, and he would sit across from Morgana. Unbeknownst to him, Uther misinterpreted the gesture, but Arthur meant for it to represent the gap that had opened between them and how he was unhappy with it.

"Arthur," Uther greeted with a nod, which Arthur silently reciprocated, "I hope your health has improved?"

This had Arthur pause and look up from his food, and he said, with a perplexed frown, "I was never ill. Not recently, at least." Not in the past two months, in fact.

Uther gritted his teeth. "Do you still see the boy? What was his name... Martin?"

"Merlin," Arthur corrected with a scowl, unsure why his father would ask such a thing. He didn't see Morgana flinch at the mention of him. "Of course I see him, he is my manservant, after all."

Uther sighed and glared at his food, gripping the fork and knife in his hands so tightly, the patterns on them imprinted themselves into his palms.

"Arthur," he spoke through gritted teeth. "You are ill. You will go to Gaius and ask for a remedy for this nonsense."

"I'm sorry, father, but I have no idea what you're on about."

Uther slammed his fist onto the table, which shook the silverware with a clatter and startled Arthur. "Dammit, Arthur, put an end to it! The sorcerer is dead! You shouldn't be under his spell any longer!"

Arthur flinched, and so did Morgana, and his eyes widened. "Sorcerer?" He asked, utter confusion written in the scowl and the furrowing of his brows. "What sorcerer?"

"That damn boy! That damn boy who had us all fooled! That damn Merlin!" He exclaimed and slammed his fist on the table to punctuate each exclamation.

Arthur sputtered, then caught himself. "Merlin is no sorcerer! Who accuses him? Who would honestly think Merlin is a sorcerer?"

"Arthur," Morgana implored him to look at her and to listen with just her pleading gaze, "Merlin was a sorcerer, we know because he saved you with sorcery!"

"What? Merlin never saved me, safe for once to reward him with being my manservant, Morgana. Merlin saved me no other time." He didn't mention the time with the poisoned chalice, since it was still a sore subject. And with that, he turned to Uther, "And he is no sorcerer! Merlin hasn't a single ill-meaning bone in his body, anyone with eyes that work can see that!"

"I said you are to put an end to this nonsense! The boy is dead! You should be free from his enchantment!" Uther yelled and stood up and slammed his fists onto the table, and the whole table shook with his fury.

Arthur copied him, for he suddenly grew very angry, and he yelled like he had a point to make, "Merlin isn't a sorcerer and he is not dead! He is in my room, I just saw him- how could you say this!"

Morgana cried, desperate to make him understand — and Arthur felt terribly confused and defensive and terrified, for he knew that Merlin could not be dead, he simply couldn't (could he?) — and she cried, "Merlin is dead, Arthur!" And it looked like it caused her great pain to say this. "He is dead! He burned at the pyre! You tried to save him, but the guards dragged you from the flame- that's where your scars are from! He died two months ago!"

Arthur flinched back as Morgana pointed at his face and his right hand shot up instinctively and he touched his face and- he touched scarred skin. Horribly scarred skin. Burn scars, he was sure. His eyes widened, in fear, in confusion, there was so much that made no sense to him.

"But he isn't," he said and staggered back and hit the arm of his chair with his thigh. "I- No, I just saw him!"

"You've been hallucinating him all this time, Arthur!" Morgana screamed at him. It was such a painful thing for her to say, for she too had really adored the manservant. But it made no sense to Arthur, her words made no sense.

"But- that can't be! I can see him! I can hear him! I can _feel_ him! You're wrong, Morgana, he isn't dead. He's in my room, resting like I told him because he looked ill, and nothing more!" He yelled back and gripped at his scars with his hand and he trembled and shook and staggered backward even more.

"I allowed you to indulge in this illness for long enough, Arthur!" exclaimed Uther, "Gaius told me that you must be left alone and your illness would go away, but I'm seeing he must be wrong. Rid yourself of this nonsense at once, Arthur! A prince can't be seen to be talking to air!"

And that was the rest that it took for Arthur to flee from the room.

He fled and ran, clutching his face, his scars that he never noticed before burning and itching suddenly, and he dodged people who looked at him with pity as he ran to his room and slammed the door behind himself and hid in it like a child. He staggered towards the bed, but Merlin wasn't in it. He wasn't where Arthur had left him, and for a moment Arthur thought that his father and Morgana had told him the truth, but then he heard Merlin's voice.

Merlin asked him, very concerned, what was wrong, and Arthur shot around and stared at Merlin, who looked horribly sick. Skin ashen and bubbling, his eyes a deep black, his lips grey, his clothes torn, and he coughed.

"Merlin," Arthur cried and sobbed and Merlin rushed over to him and engulfed him in a cold embrace. He should be warm, Arthur thought clearly, he used to be warm. He cried and Merlin led and lowered him onto the bed, stroking his forehead and his hair away with cold fingers that looked like they would fall off at any moment.

Merlin assured him that everything would be okay.

"I don't want things to be okay!" Arthur exclaimed, and Merlin stilled, and Arthur continued, "I want to know what's going on!"

Merlin said that he understands and that he wondered when Arthur would take a closer look.

"A closer look?" Arthur asked, bewildered.

Merlin told him to take a closer look at him. Arthur shook his head.

"I did, you look horrible, you look ill, you look like you're-" but the word stuck in his throat and wouldn't pass past it, leaving him struggling for breath, feeling like he was suffocating, and eventually, he fainted from lack of air, and Merlin bestowed a cold kiss onto his forehead.

The next morning, Arthur woke with a pain in his head and Gaius dabbing a cold and wet piece of cloth on his forehead. Arthur blinked up blearily at Gaius, confusion striking his features.

"Gaius?" He rasped with a hoarse voice, and he coughed, so Gaius held a goblet of fresh and cold water to his lips, which Arthur drank greedily.

"The King ordered me to give you a... 'remedy' against your... 'illness', as he said. Tell me, Arthur-"

"Is Merlin dead?" Arthur asked and looked past Gaius, at Merlin, who was standing in the corner of the room, wringing his hands and looking worried. Gaius would tell him the truth.

Gaius paused and paled and sighed. "I'm... I'm afraid so, Sire..."

"Is... was he a sorcerer?" Arthur said and thus cut Gaius off.

"I'm... afraid so, Sire," Gaius said, a bit more defiantly than Arthur would have expected of the old physician.

Arthur deflated and sunk back into his pillows and did not look at Gaius or Merlin.

"Why can't I remember?" He asked next.

"Shock, I would assume. From losing him. It became clear to everyone just how far you were willing to go for him, and why..."

Arthur regarded him and then looked away again. 

"How long?" Arthur asked.

"How long he's been dead, or a sorcerer, Sire?" Gaius asked.

"Both, if you would," Arthur said kindly, brokenly, knowing that Merlin's death would have hit Gaius very hard, as the boy had been a son to him in everything but blood.

"He's been dead for two months... and a sorcerer his whole life." Gaius supplied with a grim expression, awaiting Arthur's rage, his feeling betrayed, his exclamations of trust and friendship being broken. "Though, warlock, I suppose, would be the more accurate title for his kind."

But Arthur did none of what Gaius feared he would. For one, he was too tired, and for two, even if he wasn't, he could not find it in himself to feel angry or betrayed or like trust and friendship were broken. He ignored Merlin standing in the corner of his room, not to spite him, but because he had to think about this seriously and could not let Merlin distract him by being pointedly _there_. Maybe not alive but still _there_.

"What happened, Gaius?" He finally asked, his voice sounding so broken with a sob he held back that it broke Gaius' heart to see him like this. He would rather Arthur still thought Merlin to be alive, though a mere hallucination he seemed to be, instead of so heartbroken, but he knew it was not healthy, and he had advised for the King to leave his son be in such a state simply for deluding himself that it wasn't so unhealthy to allow the prince to remain blissfully ignorant — a state of mind of which Gaius was terribly jealous of.

And so, as the prince wished, Gaius told Arthur everything, even if he didn't explicitly ask for Merlin's entire story since coming to Camelot, grand destiny not included, for he felt such a thing was something one should end this story with, about how many times Merlin actually saved Arthur, and saved him using magic, no less, and everything else. Until he reached the point where, after Merlin was discovered using magic to save Arthur from yet another sorcerer wishing to enact their revenge upon him, he was arrested and burned at the pyre the next day.

"You tried to save him, but there was nothing you could do. Your father thought you were under a spell, and he forced you to watch. But, I suspect, you couldn't take it and you jumped down and rushed to the pyre and tried to drag him out. But it was too late, I'm afraid... Merlin was already dead by the time you managed. And you were left with these scars..."

"But..." Arthur began, "Morgana said the guards dragged me out of the fire before I could reach Merlin..."

"That's what she was told, I suspect. She didn't witness the execution. She couldn't bear it, and I wouldn't blame her. Merlin wouldn't have wanted her to see him like that..."

Merlin said that what Gaius said was true. Finally, Merlin came closer, looking at Arthur with hope in his dead eyes. Merlin said that he is indeed dead, that he has magic, but that he only ever used it for Arthur. Then he looked a bit sheepish and admitted that perhaps he had used it on chores once or twice, but only when he was studying new spells to save Arthur with, he swears. Then he tells Arthur to ask Gaius about the destiny.

And so Arthur did. "What about the destiny?"

Gaius perked up in surprise. "How do you..."

"A little bird told me," Arthur grinned weakly at Merlin, who stood behind Gaius, who frowned in turn at Arthur's words.

"Arthur, Merlin is-"

"Dead, I heard you, and I heard my father, and Morgana, and Merlin," Arthur said firmly. "Just, please, tell me about the destiny..."

"It... It was said that Merlin was to be the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth. That he would be the most powerful sorcerer to ever exist. That he _is_ magic. And it was said that you, Arthur, are the Once and Future King who would unite Albion and return magic to the land... that was supposed to be your destiny. Yours and Merlin's... you were two sides of the same coin..."

Merlin corrected him, are, his voice sounding firm and brittle in one, impossible breath,

"Are," Arthur corrected, for Gaius could not hear Merlin.

"Merlin is dead, Sire... his destiny-"

"I will make sure that his destiny is fulfilled, along with my own."

"Sire?"

"I love Merlin. I would do anything for him. Dead or not, he has not left me, for else, I would not still love him like he were still here, with me, at my side, where he belongs," Arthur said quite inspirationally and Gaius felt moved by his words and he smiled slightly despite his own grief.

"Indeed, it feels as though he is watching over you yet, for no other sorcerer or magical beast has come near Camelot in the past two months. In fact, there were reports that such had been sighted at the borders, but never entered these lands. It is like he is yet still watching over you, Sire," Gaius said with a small smile and Arthur smiled in return.

It was then that Arthur remembered what Merlin had told him a bit more than two months ago: "I'm happy to serve you until I die, and even then, death won't be enough to keep me from you."

He looked at Merlin who smiled kindly at him, and Arthur returned his smile and turned his head to Gaius.

"Death won't be enough to keep him from me," he echoed Merlin's words, and Gaius felt, deep within himself, that these words were deeply true and very heavy at that. "He will watch over me and be at my side until it is time for me to fully join him."

Then he looked back at Merlin with a grin, a grin which Merlin returned with his own goofy one.

"And he better make sure I don't do so for a long time, or else, what of our destiny?"


End file.
